Mom Friends

Mom friends— never have too much of a good thing right? There’s no question that being a parent is incredibly rewarding, but its also super freaking hard and lonely. And sometimes, kids are assholes. I’ve always valued my friendships, but now more so than ever, this Momma desperately needs mom friends to maintain the little sanity I still have. Mom friends who are willing to help lift each other up on those super hard days. Somedays, the baby doesn’t sleep, and the toddler wants cookies for breakfast and wants to use the tablet, but the battery died and is throwing a world ending tantrum. All before the coffee pot is done. Cookies for breakfast? FINE DUDE. GO. These are the moments that my mom-friends save my ass, big time. And I don’t mean to down play my friendships with my non-mom friends, because, let’s be real, that’s the only real connection I have to what’s going on outside the 4 walls of my house. So, they are QUITE important as well. This morning was particularly difficult, I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I had 0 patience for my cookie monster going nuts over the dead tablet this morning. I told you guys, I can’t come between him and Blippi in the mornings, shit gets crazy. So, I sent out a couple of feeler texts to see if any of my mom-friends were available. Nope. Not surprised, its hard to throw a last-minute play date out there and expect it to work out. It never does. After I got everyone bundled up, we packed up and went to this massive church near by that’s like a Mcdonalds Playplace on roids. And they have coffee. Done and Done.

Most of the Moms that I’m closest with, have a situation very similar to mine. Whether our kids are basically the same age, they are also stay at home mommas, or they live nearby.  Even just a year or so difference in kids age is a variable that throws the whole thing outta wack. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’ve definitely forgetten a lot of stuff. And when my friend asks “Hey, when did you start oatmeal, did K ever not poop for like a week??” and I have no idea, then I have to go back and look in my notes. Welp, I didn’t record the poop thing, so, maybe? It’s just not nearly as natural as going through all those milestones together, and living in the chaos at the same time.  The other big issue is naps! When your nap times don’t coincide, it’s basically a deal breaker. Nobody. NOBODY is keeping their kid up for a playdate and dealing with the cluster fork aftermath of a kid with no nap. It just doesn’t happen.

Distance is a big factor too! Driving 30 minutes to get somewhere might seem like nbd to someone without kids, but when you have to tote around 2 kids, backup clothes for both, diapers, undies, sippycups, bibs, a few toys for the car, the blankets and 45 pounds of snacks. Then roll the windows down on the way home hoping they don’t fall asleep because they will not stay asleep through a transfer from the car seat. And, all this for a 2 hour play date. It’s just not worth the hassle.  Maybe the least important, but you also need to sort of agree on parenting methods. Sorta.

So, what I’m trying to get at, is, it’s hard enough making friends as an adult, let alone making friends who have so many variables closely matching your own. There’s no way that, after Brady was born, Miranda was that close to Samantha, Carrie and Charlotte. It’s not that I doubt the friendship, but meeting up for coffee and drinks multiple times a week? Sorry HBO, but I call bullshit. Anyways, I’m rambling again, I’ve clearly had too much coffee today.

So, today I thought to myself, “I should try to make some new Mom-friends”.. And, my friends, we have finally arrived to the point of this blog post.

I decided to step out of my comfort zone. Last time we came here to play, there was kiddos everywhere, and parents everywhere, it was a mad house. Maybe not the most laid back situation to start conversation, but whatevs. I’ll try. I’m generally a pretty quiet person until the ice is broken, but I’m not very good at being the one to make the first move. You’d think, that in a huge group of parents, who have so much in common, this would be easy. Folks, I am here to tell you, IT IS FAR FROM EASY.. It’s like dating. You can’t be too eager and come off desperate. Don’t talk about your kid too much without asking about their snotty kiddo, thats rude. Don’t make it super obvious that you haven’t spoken to another adult in like 3 days. If you’re chatting, and the kid comes over, interact with their kid, but not too much, again, it’s weird. So, then, your kids played super well together, do you suggest running into them again to play? Do you secretly plan to go there on the same day next week, and hope to run into them? Maybe that time it’ll end up in sharing phone numbers so you can text and meet up on purpose for play dates. Yes. It is ridiculous. At one point I thought, “Maybe I should have thrown on some mascara, and my lips are super chapped, thats gross, what will they think?”  I can’t make this shit up.

Attempt 1: Mom #1 was sitting near our stroller, she was roughly my age, with kids close to K’s age. A kiddo ran over to her so I said “she is adorable, look at those curls! How old is she?” Ice broken? No. not even close.  😂 She just answered my attempt at small talk and made a very indicative face. You know that face you give a friend when you both see something and you’re trying to get them to read your “holy shit, make it stop.”  thoughts. You know the face.  It was clear that I needed to stop talking. Got it.

Attempt 2:  Also my age, super involved into kiddos play. She was super nice to me, we chatted for a few minutes, but she was like really into playing. And, I’m an invovled mom, but.. not that involved.. how do I put this nicely… At this point, I felt we had some parenting differences that I couldn’t overcome. So, no such luck. How do moms make friends?!? This is crazy! There were nearly 10 moms in the same area, our kids are all sharing buggers, but none of the parents are even talking to each other… hmm..

Maybe they’re all just exhausted and just need a minute to mind dump. The kids are busy and happily playing, and the Mom’s are just chilling because right now, there is NOTHING that they need to do. Possible and more than likely. I’d probably be doing the same if I hadn’t had an ulterior motive.

K couldn’t make it up part of the structure to get to the huge slide, and I had a sleeping baby in my ring sling, so I couldn’t very well climb in there and help. A sweet little girl started helping him up and she played with him until she had to leave, she was with Mom #1. At least her kiddo was polite. Then K was left trying and trying and trying by himself to get up this huge step. He finally got it and the pride I felt for him was crazy, I was like “YAY BUDDY YOU DID IT!!! SUCH A BIG BOY” No wonder these Moms didn’t want to talk to me. Don’t care. I was proud of him.

It’s so hard to sit idly by and watch them interact with other kids, especially when those other kids aren’t nice, or aren’t listening to him, or just barrel right through him. I’m so used to being his biggest help. But I can’t intervene, I certainly can’t punch a 6 year old for being mean to my baby. 😂 He’s got to and will learn to stick up for himself, right?

Mom #3 was a doll!! I broke the ice, and she immediately offered some information about herself, and then we talked about homeschooling for a short while.  It’s definitely something that we have been thinking about, but still not sure. Her 2 kiddos played great with K, they seemed like very nice, sweet kids. She told me they liked to play outside, and go hiking in the summer. I could totally see being mom friends with her, she seemed outgoing, a little sarcastic, and ecletic. I really liked her. But, at one point she pulled a book out of her bag. I totally got the memo. She’s probably got a mountain of laundry at home, and here I am, cutting her free time short. I would have liked to talk to her longer, but I told her it was nice chatting, and I’d let her get to her book while she had 2 free hands and busy kiddos.

At this point, K was getting tired and hungry, so I was ready to shut things down and pack up. But I ran into a Mom and Dad with a little squishy peanut. I asked how old she was, the Mom snapped “10 weeks” definitely letting me know that she didn’t want to chat. Then, I saw her and her husband snickering, obviously making fun and laughing at Mom #3, whom I liked. I decided they super sucked and I definitely don’t want to be friends with assholes anyways.

Kindness is Ganster. Don’t be an asshole.

I finally peeled K away from playing only to get out to my car and not be able to get J’s car seat in, or be able to put my stroller in the back of my car because people are parked so close to me. Maybe I’m irritable and tired, but I feel like this is super rude and it makes me crazy angry. (On the way home, I daydreamed that 1 of the 2 SUVs belonged to mom #4, which made me more mad, and then liked her even less bc she hypothetically parked so close to me. She should know better, Mom#4 was a dick 😉 I joke!) Stop parking so close to me. It’s 25° out. I shouldn’t have to move my damn car to get my littles in.

Anyone else make up elaborate situations like I do and then daydream about how you would handle it and what you would say?? Please tell me I’m not the only one who is doing this crazy stuff.

So, those of us who have a handful of mom friends should really count our blessings. Because, it ain’t easy out there. The friend dating scene is rough. Anyways, Thanks for reading my nonsense. 😉😂

x,

🦖B🦕

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